Make Cabin Fever your Bitch!
Y’all this shit is bonkers. Stuck in your house with no end in sight can make the best of us want to throw a chair through a window. It's like the holidays all over again but luckily you aren’t stuck with all of your family. Honestly it is scary...but do your best to keep your shit together. Here are some suggestions on how to enjoy your “staycation”.
PS. Why is it so hard NOT touching your face!?!
Here are a few ideas that say go fuck yourself Cabin Fever and Coronavirus.
Things that may help you stay sane…
It's called a Dirty Martini with extra olives...straight from sweet Mama Sue. Also cheap Vodka doesn't work...start with the best, Titos! Nobody needs a hangover during this time.
Order local wine to be delivered. Today I was thrilled when my husband told me our wine shipment was being delivered and he got extra as a backup. A case of red, Bubbles, and Rose. Did someone say Blowjob? Thank god for the Willamette Valley!
Get food from your local restaurants. Okay, I get it...you are paranoid that a little sniffle is going to send you to the ER if someone with the virus is making your food. Well...LET me tell you something...if there is anytime in the whole world to order take out...it is now. Fuckers have NO choice but to follow extra steps or their biz is donzo. Trust me...when shit hits the fan, you want to go where they have no choice but to be extra careful! PLUS...these are people you love...they make you drinks, serve you tasty plates, and even a quick slice. Do your best to support them as they are in desperate need for hours.
Get outside but also take a nap. Yes, working from home especially with a little one can put a cramp in your usual schedule. Homeschooling bullshit aside...find something, anything to keep their attention while you try and not lose your job. Do what you can to get outside whether it is just a quick walk around the block, checking your mail, or sitting on your porch getting a little fresh air. And…this is also the time to snooze it up when you can.
Group Facetime or Google Hangout Happy Hour with your friends! Set a date a few times a week (or everyday) to hop on with a cocktail in hand. We all need time with our peeps! This can also apply to your family, maybe over a family dinner? My sister just had a baby (timing right?!) and I will be oohing and aahing through my devices as much as possible!
You know those magazine subscriptions that just sit around untouched, now is the time to read them! Then afterwards cut it up and make a vision board for yourself and use the rest for crafts with the kids.
Speaking of crafts with the kids, my friend Katie is a MASTER! She recommended going online to Michaels which delivers for free, curbside pickup and right now a 30% discount on everything. You will find all sorts of cool things to keep those busy nuggets focused so you can pour a glass of vino. Photo courtesy of Katie Gailey and her two adorable boys Grant and Parker.
Do the things you do while you are taking a shit or at the DMV. You know...games on your phone, catching up on celebrity gossip, reading theChive, watching those makeup and hair videos, and of course Tasty!
Find every extremely inappropriate meme about the virus and send them to everyone you know. Even if someone says you aren’t taking it seriously...please copy and paste this exact note: CALM DOWN AND LAUGH YOU STUPID UPTIGHT ASSHOLE.
Laughter is the best medicine. Go deep into on demand and watch comedy or listen to comedy on Pandora throughout the day. If you keep smiling you might actually forget what we are really dealing with. Anything done by Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler, Ali Wong, Dave Chappelle, Seinfeld, Jim Gaffigan, Ricky Gervais, Daniel Tosh, and obviously Lisa Lampanelli.
Spring cleaning...I know...UGH. Pop an adderall, grab a few cold beers, and rummage through that junk room. Things you can do while you drink: shred old documents, dust, organize a bookshelf, throw shit in a Goodwill pile, and throw some bright pillows on the couch to brighten the place up.
Pull out the patio furniture and hose that shit off. Once they dry out, you sit your hot ass down and enjoy some Rosé Queen!
Hang up those photos ! You know...the ones you’ve been meaning to for the last 2 years.
You know those cookbooks collecting dust...break them out and make something that will surprise your family or a treat for yourself. Or you can always check out Carolyn’s recipes here on The MotherSip!
Online shopping on a Coronavirus budget. Take advantage of all the sales online right now! Here are some shopping options that I enjoy. Mapel Boutique a local company bringing you fab fashion deals during this time. You can get adorable tees and pullovers, the best denim, on trend shoes, locally made jewelry, and everything you will possibly need for Spring. They do virtual styling and shopping, free shipping and gifts with purchase, curbside pickup, social sales, and great taste I might add! Let’s do our best to support local first! There are also some great apps and online options like Poshmark for the whole family, shopgoodwill.com, Offerup, Letgo, Mercari, Rent the Runway, Thred Up, Shein, Overstock, Slickdeals, Ru La La, Depop, and Zulily.
Sex!!! Yes...I said it. If you ask me I think this isolation is going to create the next Baby Boom! So if you aren’t ready for that, better call your doctor or go online to Lemonaid to get yourself some protection STAT! They also have stuff for Mr. Limpy or a UTI if you forget to pee after playin’ around. Oh..and clean those toys...don’t be amature hour.
Things to do with or without your family!
Thanks to my HR Director for sending me some great ideas!
Family Friendly
Cincinnati Zoo will be live-streaming from the zoo each weekday at 4:00pm (cinci time I believe).
San Diego Zoo has live cameras as well as an archive of old footage. Sit with your babes and watch! Fingers crossed you don’t have to explain aggressive animal sex.
National Parks Service allows you to explore some of the beautiful national parks via their YouTube channel.
Georgia Aquarium has multiple live webcams to enjoy. Good luck explaining to your kiddos that those beautiful Jellyfish can actually fuck your shit up if you step on them. But your own urine will come to the rescue buddy!
Yellowstone National Park offers virtual tours of its main attractions. It totally sounds boring, but fuck it...if your 3 year old likes it...that shit is gold! Who doesn’t want to see a Moose?!?
Museums and Art Galleries
Google Arts and Culture combines exhibits from around the world. This is pretty damn cool!
MetKids allows children to explore the Met using an interactive map (while staying out of NYC), AND there are creative project ideas...WINNER WINNER!!!
The Louvre has virtual tours of many of its amazing exhibits. But you don’t need to worry about some asshole tourist blocking your view and bumping you in the face with their large camera.
Le Gallerie Degli Uffizi is like exploring Italian art museums from the comfort of your home. I suggest a good bottle of wine while you do this.
Fitness
Peloton is offering a free 90-day trial for new subscribers (no bike or treadmill needed!) I however am obsessed with my Pele and I am not a rich bitch living in the burbs. If you breakout the cost of the bike or treadmill per month along with the monthly digital fee...it is way cheaper than a gym membership and more! You can do classes like cycling, yoga, arms, running, cardio, and mediation at no additional charge! Fuck a gym...do it at home so you don’t have to see that skinny bitch with full makeup and a fresh blowout running on the treadmill.
Planet Fitness will be live-streaming classes on their Facebook page at 6:00 PM each day (free for everyone!), and previous workouts will be available on their YouTube channel. Obviously this is also a great opportunity if you just don’t have the space, money, or commitment for a Peloton.
Down Dog is offering all of their apps FREE until April 1 (including Down Dog, Yoga for Beginners, HIIT, Barre, and 7 Minute Workout). Have the fam join in or kick them aside and get some alone time.
Go outside and build some sort of obstacle course with tires, pool noodles, cones, buckets, etc. Check out Pinterest for more DIY Ideas before you go out and buy some sort of Ninja Warrior shit from an infomercial.
I sure hope this is helpful and you don’t accidently put your spouse's toothbrush in the toilet or hide in the pantry with a bottle of wine. No judgement here. You got this! Love, Alisha
Got other ideas? Send them my way alisha@themothersip.com. I will be doing a follow up next week.
