Hysterical Holiday Gifts For Everyone
Christmas is about spending time with loved ones…drinks, food, treats, and gifts. But sometimes, finding the perfect present can be a challenge. If you're struggling to come up with gift ideas for everyone on your list, our holiday gift guide is here to help. Don’t be boring and get a scarf, be creative and make those memories last! Who is going to remember you got them a plaid scarf one year (although I have given those amazing scarfs), instead…get a scarf and something super funny to remember! From novelty socks to amusing books, there's something for everyone. So if you're looking for inspiration, look no further.
6 Easy Ways To Prep For Holiday Guests
It's that time of year again! The leaves are changing color, the air is getting chillier, and holiday dinners and parties are right around the corner. If you're hosting this year, you're probably starting to think about all the preparations you need to make. From cleaning, to setting the table, there's a lot to do. But don't worry—we've got you covered. Here are some tips to help you get your house ready for holiday hosting.
2020 Wrap Up In Memes
As we wrap up 2020, I thought about what a fucking shit show this year was and how incredibly strong all of us are, especially moms. I got curious and went through a text thread with my good friends, talk about hysterical! The photos, memes, and videos sent between your friends over this year are priceless! Get ready for some belly laughs and peeing a little. As you will see below, I started in March of 2020 when we all realized life was going to be different in 2020…we were fucked. As you browse through the messages you will notice the chronological order of memes and reactions that need no explanation. It is true…pictures are worth a thousand words.
Take A Right At the End of the Dirt Road
Parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual. I mean, it could, you could read countless blogs (like this one), or you could be guided by whichever big book lights your path. But. The reality is there's no clear cut way to get from birth to not fucking up your kid. It's going to happen. Let's all deal with it. The way I see it, our job is to raise kind, aware, strong, confident, and amazing people. If they happen to change the world, great. I'll know it's a job well done if our daughter can brighten her little corner of the world.
Fairy Tale Life Goals
Snow White and her seven dwarves...you honestly believe not one of them wanted to fuck her? Or maybe she was a modern polygamist that had seven husbands and zero children (meaning she had seven children but her honey-do list always was in motion). Even as a child I always thought that these Fairy tales were unrealistic. Now now...I am not trying to be political or ruin the dreams for all children and adults who love Disney, just hear me out.
Nancy Pelosi On Top Carole Baskin On The Bottom
I have worked remotely for a fair amount in my career. On days I don’t have meetings, it is really easy to stay in my PJ’s or sweats. I have found I do better at my job and feel confident if I am somewhat put together. This doesn’t mean full makeup and pantyhose for fucks sake, but just a little something just in case I had to jump on a video call I wouldn’t look so horrendous. Well...since Covid-19 has struck, a lot of this has gone to shit. I am doing the very best I can to work my full time job, stay in touch with friends and family, keep my kid educationally busy, do the meal planning, laundry, discipline, managing screen time, snacks, potty breaks, take care of my two big needy dogs, all while keeping a smile on my face until my husband gets home. I would say my working attire has come to Nancy Pelosi on top and Carole Baskin on the bottom. Classy as fuck. With all of the recent unexpected challenges we face, I am hoping I can help highlight some ways to be comfortable, professional, sexy, and not turning into The Dude, Floyd from True Romance (aka HOT young Brad Pitt), or Erica the Klepto in Florida Girls.
If COVID-19 Was A Super Group
While drinking and listening to music, a few friends and I (virtually) came up with the best COVID-19 themed playlist ever. This list is a bit crass and honest. These songs you may or may not know, but in the spirit of being light hearted and letting shit go…dance your way through this quarantine.
Make Cabin Fever your Bitch!
Y’all this shit is bonkers. Stuck in your house with no end in sight can make the best of us want to throw a chair through a window. It's like the holidays all over again but luckily you aren’t stuck with all of your family. Honestly it is scary...but do your best to keep your shit together. Here are some suggestions on how to enjoy your “staycation”.
PS. Why is it so hard NOT touching your face!?!
Who’s Her Daddy?
A question we hear often when people find out our family dynamic, “Who’s her dad?”
My daughter doesn’t have a dad, or a father, she has who we affectionately call “Donor #14327.” Sure it doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily as “daddy,” but to be fair as an almost 40-year-old woman “daddy” doesn’t roll off my tongue easy either, or maybe it should and my bank account would be healthier.
Friend Vows and Loyalty
Friendships at times can be more involved and lengthy as some marriages. Why don’t we have vows for our friends? Written or unwritten rules and promises that make it clear things could very well end. What is wrong with having some expectations like you would in an intimate relationship? There are some things that are inappropriate and SHOULD go without saying, but not all girl codes are created equal.
Erections Start at Birth...
I really wanted my kid to sit his ass down and take a shit. But it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. During potty training bitches like myself get desperate to make it happen soon without too much horror. I read books, listened to podcasts, asked the doctor, watched YouTube, asked friends, asked my mom, questioned my sisters and sister-in-laws, and well…just fucking anyone who would listen…even my Barista at Starbucks.
One night in Portland
Was that your teacher I just made out with?
The first day Alana and I met, I was so excited to work with her I had to show her the city of Portland. Yeah…we were in our 20s with no kids, spouses, mortgages, the usual shit you get later in life. These were the days you could party all night and roll into work the next day with a slap of bright lipstick and nobody would know.