Friend Vows and Loyalty
Friendships at times can be more involved and lengthy as some marriages. Why don’t we have vows for our friends? Written or unwritten rules and promises that make it clear things could very well end. What is wrong with having some expectations like you would in an intimate relationship? There are some things that are inappropriate and SHOULD go without saying, but not all girl codes are created equal.
I am a Leo. I have a big personality and love to love but also insert my aggressive nature to protect. I am loyal and would do anything to protect my family, friends, and some I don’t know but shouldn’t be treated like shit. I feel blessed with the people in and out of my life. If anything it’s made me smarter and value those who are legit. Here are my vows for my friends and soon to be friends. Y’all know who you are.
I will...
Hold your hair anytime you throw up…
Block the bar bathroom while you have a quicky.
Always be there with wine and comfort food no questions asked.
Watch your kiddos so you can sleep or repair your goddamn mind.
Send you the most inappropriate memes while you are at work and likely in a meeting.
Hold your hand when you are in physical or emotional pain.
Have your fucking back...even if you hustled a biker gang at a game of pool.
Check in with you after doing that cleanse and all it did was make you shit yourself at work.
Be there to watch shit TV and read US magazines out loud after you have surgery.
Take one for the team and talk to the weird dude so you can hit on his buddy.
Go with you to a Boys II Men concert but I can’t promise I will enjoy myself and not make fun of you.
Always call you Jerry and expect the same in return.
Celebrate you for you...which is why we are friends!
Slash a cheater's tires. Nobody fucks with us!
Be the best auntie to your fur babies and real babies.
Tell you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it, obviously after I get you drunk.
Be your biggest cheerleader, even if you are the worst on the team.
Always eat your soaked vodka gummy bears, we can be hungover together.
Start an impromptu dance party in a truck, Jeep, house, hotel, grocery aisle, or pool.
Make sure to tell stories that are adorable and hysterical about you over and over again. I want them to love you like I do!
Be there when you lose a pet with wine and taco bell.
High five you each time you beat the dealer, even if it gets us cut off.
Always promise you that there is nothing wrong with HPV...we all have it dude.
Make sure to let you know when your ass looks good in jeans and you’re rockin’ fucking smokey eyes.
Remind you of the good times no matter how risque...especially the older we get.
I won’t
Ever tell your secrets even if you are hiding from the cops.
Let your clip in extensions fall out or your spanx show...nope...not on my dime!
Judge when you decide to go back out with that cunt bitch. I will just be ready with my knife and a fast car if you need me.
Let you walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoes, visible food or drugs on your face, or with your skirt in your tights.
Tell anyone you get your upper lip, arms, fingers and toes waxed.
Ever forget when you helped me write my Father's Eulogy and encouraged me to include the beautiful memories even if I cried on stage.
Judge if you decide to get a little nip and tuck.
Let you be seen in public if you are wearing socks with sandals.
Leave you alone at a party with that creepy coworker who won’t stop hitting on you.
Forget when you have made me playlists to help soothe my heart and soul.
Fuck up when I help paint or put up wallpaper during your remodel.
Ever let someone talk down to you, no matter who the fuck they are.
Let you eat sushi from a grocery store deli or go into a shady gas station bathroom alone.
Give your kids candy an hour before bedtime...obviously right when I see them!
Cry when you decide to move far from me, instead I will find a way to obsessively stalk you.
Forget the incredible acts of kindness you have done for me without ever expecting anything in return.
Let you feel lonely…ever...even if you want it that way.
Tell anyone about our trips to Wine Country, Vegas, New Orleans, McCall Idaho, Ireland, Rome, and well my backyard. I am so glad we survived…so far.
Let your partner forget your birthday, anniversary, or your favorite flowers.
Let you drive without a seatbelt.
Let you drive without a roadie.
Remember any disagreements, only the fun times.
Let those toxic people come back, life is too short.
Ever ever ever let you drink Pinot Noir from California…unless it’s a serious emergency.
Forget how you let me be me!
Do you have some promises good or bad you would like me to include next time? Email them to me! alisha@themothersip.com.
