Fairy Tale Life Goals
Snow White and her seven dwarves...you honestly believe not one of them wanted to fuck her? Or maybe she was a modern polygamist that had seven husbands and zero children (meaning she had seven children but her honey-do list always was in motion). Even as a child I always thought that these Fairy tales were unrealistic. Now now...I am not trying to be political or ruin the dreams for all children and adults who love Disney, just hear me out.
Friend Vows and Loyalty
Friendships at times can be more involved and lengthy as some marriages. Why don’t we have vows for our friends? Written or unwritten rules and promises that make it clear things could very well end. What is wrong with having some expectations like you would in an intimate relationship? There are some things that are inappropriate and SHOULD go without saying, but not all girl codes are created equal.
Erections Start at Birth...
I really wanted my kid to sit his ass down and take a shit. But it doesn’t work that way unfortunately. During potty training bitches like myself get desperate to make it happen soon without too much horror. I read books, listened to podcasts, asked the doctor, watched YouTube, asked friends, asked my mom, questioned my sisters and sister-in-laws, and well…just fucking anyone who would listen…even my Barista at Starbucks.
One night in Portland
Was that your teacher I just made out with?
The first day Alana and I met, I was so excited to work with her I had to show her the city of Portland. Yeah…we were in our 20s with no kids, spouses, mortgages, the usual shit you get later in life. These were the days you could party all night and roll into work the next day with a slap of bright lipstick and nobody would know.