One night in Portland
Was that your teacher I just made out with?
The first day Alana and I met, I was so excited to work with her I had to show her the city of Portland. Yeah…we were in our 20s with no kids, spouses, mortgages, the usual shit you get later in life. These were the days you could party all night and roll into work the next day with a slap of bright lipstick and nobody would know. I immediately had to take my new friend to the dark side of Portland…a strip club. Alana was not as innocent as she appeared because the thought of drinks and full nudity was not so shocking. As a salesperson in radio, this was my usual go to for closing a deal with any scumbag that was dumb enough to take me up on it.
Glitter, strong smells of coconut and amber, and a full house…the A team was out on a school night, how exciting! We plopped our little asses down at the rack and made it rain while drinking vodka likely from the Russian mafia. These girls were damn talented and I could tell Alana was impressed! I kept thinking…wow…is there some sort of event tonight? Nope…just a lot of Portland drunks looking to build up some spank bank on this hump day.
Hours of glowing lights and dollar bills full of fecal matter, we were ripe and ready to stay longer! I decided it was a good idea to start a conversation to this chick next to me and proceeded to kiss her at her husbands request. Sloppy but hot…when in Rome right? The next thing I know Alana and this women are hugging and saying hello! She was talking to her like she knew her and I was surprised seeing Alana just moved to Portland. She proceeds to introduce me to one of her old teachers…REALLY? WTF! Her and her husband kindly said hello and made their way to the bar. That is one way to break the ice with a new friend…watching women suck on their nipples and sucking face with her beloved teacher. I cannot tell you what was most awkward.
After deciding we could not go to the ATM any longer, we closed out our tab and went home after 2:30AM. Unfortunately Alana had to be at work a few hours later, 4AM. Needless to say our Program Director was not happy with us and I was still drunk that morning.
Lessoned learned…if you are going to be stupid, you better be tough.
